Recently I attended a conference for young people looking to
marry in the Catholic Church. It was organised by the Opus Dei (a Catholic church
organisation) and invited were 40 something young boys from Sydney and Canberra.
The conference was at the Kenthurst Study centre in Sydney where Pope Benedict
stayed during his 2008 WYD trip. It was only six hours long and included a
packed schedule: Sunday mass, two meditations by a priest, lunch, afternoon
tea, DVD watching and three talks on aspects of a marriage. The meditation was
great (I was sleeping), but what most I liked were the talks. They were
inspiring. Everyone who gave us talk was experienced and would sit on a chair and
the audience would sit around to form a semi-random circle.
The environment was stimulating too and more of an informal kind.
The environment was stimulating too and more of an informal kind.
It started with highlights about the current situation. Facts
were given to indicate why marriages are failing in Australia – because people
are not prepared. It included a statistic of 3 million Medicare funded
abortions in Australia. That is approximately 1 in every 4 baby. Other facts: Condoms
are popular because men are not taking responsibility for their acts. Reason: addiction
of lust. There is high rate of suicide and men lack real leadership (with
virtues, purity). People are moving far from the God and towards consumerism. We
are becoming obese while the 3rd world starves, also indicated by
our 60% higher rate of Cancers.
This is a crisis of saints, and of people with burning love
for sanctification in their life. We
watched a DVD of late Don Alvaro Del Portillo, the bishop of Opus Dei and now a
“Blessed”. The further thoughts were on
how we can be saints through our married life, something emphasised in most of
the bishops writings. It said marriage
could win the war of salvation and “brave new families” by living through a
good marriage will bring new evangelisation. Marriage also provides
opportunities to be heroic, gain virtues and draw others to Christ.
What struck me were the questions that men should ask themselves,
whether your wife will make you a better man after marriage? He elaborated that
your wife or girlfriend will always seek to change you, your personality,
behaviour and character. Are you willing to accept those corrections? In
marriage we have a path and person chosen by God to grow in divine love. Just
as you are Catholic for your life, do you want to be with her for all your life? Most importantly, will your wife lead you to
heaven? Among other things, we were asked to establish a good communication and
friendship with our future wife and make efforts to know her like our best
friend. Also some of the fundamental
beliefs of the Catholic Church should be clarified before steps to marriage which
including views on large family and many children.
Other parts focussed on different qualities of a good
marriage and aspects of children.
Three qualities I remember were bringing unity of life,
freedom and happiness. Non-unity or
double life means you become a different person in your interior life (Catholic
faith) and outside world. It is a temptation but an impossible thing to
continue. So if our real life as a husband is same as our spiritual life, we can
easily practise what we believe. Also we have to value freedom, and provide it
to our wife on all occasions. We cannot impose our beliefs on her. These things
should be clearly discussed and freely accepted.
Our happiness in marriage would be so great that it would
attract everyone around us. It will be an example that others see to learn and
apply to their life. Also, people will always ask for advice when they will see
your happiness. This gives us opportunities to evangelise. It is our crucial
duty to be an apostolate as a couple. Before we reach heaven, we want to make
sure our kids, friends and families learn from us, so we could also bring them
to God in heaven.
Our dangers are mainly around pride and misconceptions. We
have to ask grace to become self-aware when we have pride as most men do not
realise it is integral part of us. Women easily feel it. So we need extra
efforts to serve our wife with humility and honesty. Apart from that we need to
recognise that our wife is not a replacement for our mum. She needs to feel
cherished. You have to make sure that everyday you renew your promise that you
love her. We need to think about what do we offer to our wife in this area? Our
role as a men indicate that we offer protection. It includes physical,
spiritual, financial, household and all the needs of our children. This will
make sure she will be in her complementary nurturing role, and can freely have more
children.
There was a lot more on children and how men can play an
integral role in loving his wife and the growth of children. I guess I will
share more some other time. Even the above forms a lot to digest. When I
reflect on it, I think it gave me a great learning experience when I look at
what I would be like in future. Also opened up on Church’s belief and thought
process behind marriage as a vocation. I am looking forward to experiencing in
the future.
