Conference on Marriage

Recently I attended a conference for young people looking to marry in the Catholic Church. It was organised by the Opus Dei (a Catholic church organisation) and invited were 40 something young boys from Sydney and Canberra. The conference was at the Kenthurst Study centre in Sydney where Pope Benedict stayed during his 2008 WYD trip. It was only six hours long and included a packed schedule: Sunday mass, two meditations by a priest, lunch, afternoon tea, DVD watching and three talks on aspects of a marriage. The meditation was great (I was sleeping), but what most I liked were the talks. They were inspiring. Everyone who gave us talk was experienced and would sit on a chair and the audience would sit around to form a semi-random circle.
The environment was stimulating too and more of an informal kind.

It started with highlights about the current situation. Facts were given to indicate why marriages are failing in Australia – because people are not prepared. It included a statistic of 3 million Medicare funded abortions in Australia. That is approximately 1 in every 4 baby. Other facts: Condoms are popular because men are not taking responsibility for their acts. Reason: addiction of lust. There is high rate of suicide and men lack real leadership (with virtues, purity). People are moving far from the God and towards consumerism. We are becoming obese while the 3^rd world starves, also indicated by our 60% higher rate of Cancers.

This is a crisis of saints, and of people with burning love for sanctification in their life.  We watched a DVD of late Don Alvaro Del Portillo, the bishop of Opus Dei and now a “Blessed”.  The further thoughts were on how we can be saints through our married life, something emphasised in most of the bishops writings.  It said marriage could win the war of salvation and “brave new families” by living through a good marriage will bring new evangelisation. Marriage also provides opportunities to be heroic, gain virtues and draw others to Christ.

What struck me were the questions that men should ask themselves, whether your wife will make you a better man after marriage? He elaborated that your wife or girlfriend will always seek to change you, your personality, behaviour and character. Are you willing to accept those corrections? In marriage we have a path and person chosen by God to grow in divine love. Just as you are Catholic for your life, do you want to be with her for all your life?  Most importantly, will your wife lead you to heaven? Among other things, we were asked to establish a good communication and friendship with our future wife and make efforts to know her like our best friend.  Also some of the fundamental beliefs of the Catholic Church should be clarified before steps to marriage which including views on large family and many children.

Other parts focussed on different qualities of a good marriage and aspects of children.

Three qualities I remember were bringing unity of life, freedom and happiness.  Non-unity or double life means you become a different person in your interior life (Catholic faith) and outside world. It is a temptation but an impossible thing to continue. So if our real life as a husband is same as our spiritual life, we can easily practise what we believe. Also we have to value freedom, and provide it to our wife on all occasions. We cannot impose our beliefs on her. These things should be clearly discussed and freely accepted.

Our happiness in marriage would be so great that it would attract everyone around us. It will be an example that others see to learn and apply to their life. Also, people will always ask for advice when they will see your happiness. This gives us opportunities to evangelise. It is our crucial duty to be an apostolate as a couple. Before we reach heaven, we want to make sure our kids, friends and families learn from us, so we could also bring them to God in heaven.

Our dangers are mainly around pride and misconceptions. We have to ask grace to become self-aware when we have pride as most men do not realise it is integral part of us. Women easily feel it. So we need extra efforts to serve our wife with humility and honesty. Apart from that we need to recognise that our wife is not a replacement for our mum. She needs to feel cherished. You have to make sure that everyday you renew your promise that you love her. We need to think about what do we offer to our wife in this area? Our role as a men indicate that we offer protection. It includes physical, spiritual, financial, household and all the needs of our children. This will make sure she will be in her complementary nurturing role, and can freely have more children.

There was a lot more on children and how men can play an integral role in loving his wife and the growth of children. I guess I will share more some other time. Even the above forms a lot to digest. When I reflect on it, I think it gave me a great learning experience when I look at what I would be like in future. Also opened up on Church’s belief and thought process behind marriage as a vocation. I am looking forward to experiencing in the future.